Obvious Reasons: why people date before marriage

Our people say, a festival that will be successful starts from the breaking of firewood.

One may choose to or not to date in obedience to religious, emotional or cultural obligation.  In some culture, men and even families agree that a woman should be pregnant before marriage (mostly linked to family history) for certain assurances and others view it as an intended move to make the bride price negotiable especially in regions where such price is seemingly inflated.

light-1092899_1920Some view dating period as a time to test drive, therefore both sexes project their best qualities in a conscious attempt to impress.  Some ladies use this period for give and take, fun shopping and blank cheque request with the suspicion that during marriage, certain requests may be easily declined perhaps due to changes in priority. Some Men use this period as their perfect opportunity to explore (the woman) with no intention of future commitment.


Marrying a stranger may largely be prevented during dating (or friendship), a time to understand who you wish to marry and have a sense of what lies on the bed if you are to continue till marriage.  Time reveals the intent of everyone’s heart but how much time do you need to know for certain the hidden things of the heart or one’s true character.

Indeed, some folks believes, there should be a time limit for dating (engagement).  I personally admire such recommendation as a guideline but not to be a requirement considering the varying circumstances that is unique to every relationship.

In reference to an interesting article Can Leah Become Rachel 》》 where it was observed that, “the complexity of human nature has left us with no one formula capable of providing a blue-print for a happy-ever-after relationship, and no book written may envisage all eventualities” and furthermore, we have a role to play in ensuring tomorrow is known today, at the very least predictable.

Love is not all there is for a relationship to last; trust, attitude and mindset matters and these are known overtime. Circumstances and difficulties reveal one’s true character even the one you’ve unconsciously suppressed from yourself.

Dating, a time to see beyond the wealth of flattery words and gifts….

Dating is not really a time to plan wedding ceremony, but to evaluate the sweet words spoken and turn the light on. Dating is a better time to extend your understand beyond your partner to the family you are married into (there thinking and mindset) and as possibly as you can built some relationship with them.  If he/she is from a cultural and any religious background you should not wave away the possibility that you may be required most likely to participate in such in the future.

Dating period is a time to identify the strength of your partner and how such strength will complement you, as it relates to a bigger picture (future).  A time to evaluate what could be regarded as weakness and be honest enough to call a spade a spade and agree to address misunderstanding and set a blueprint to resolve conflict.

People only adapt their attitude to accommodate love but absolute change of character comes when their is a purpose. Bear in mind, if you cannot live with your partner’s default and you are hoping that he or she will change is like hoping on hope.

You may speak in tongues or see vision or deliberately appear in a constant religious or cultural apparel to entice and seduce, I won’t be comfortable however, to disregard a favourite wisdom which insist, “It’s on Thursday we know how the weekend will look like”. Hence the need to see beyond the wealth of flattery words and gifts.

If your character cannot produce an attitude that will ensure a healthy relationship then it’s OK to look beyond that relationship for a fresh inspiration.

The topic of “dating” and the dos and don’ts of dating remains an open debate.  Continue to bear in mind that at the end of the day your relationship is your business and the success of it is your responsibility.

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